At the beginning of this year, my manager asked every person in our team about our New Year’s resolution.Being the youngest person in the room, as some sort of a power trip, everyone pointed at me to start the discussion. Or to give them more time to think, they passed the baton to the baby first. Honestly, I felt like I was put on the spot. I should’ve anticipated this question over the holidays because it’s a go-to conversation starter whenever another year opens, but at that time, I really don’t know how to answer.
I guess never really thought it over. Maybe I just know that I’ll fail anyway, so why put myself up to a promise that a lot of people might expect from me? With God’s grace and divine intervention of the Holy Spirit, I managed to blurt out an answer. And thinking of it now, I should’ve gone for a go-to New Year answer to this go-to New Year question. I should’ve said that I will be spending less this year or I will try to take control of my health. But somehow, I went for a deeper answer and said, “Oh, I’m gonna focus on building up my skills this year.” Shit.
I don’t even know how that idea entered my mind. What I know is the moment those words came out of me, I wanted to turn back time or maybe just disappear. Way to put pressure on yourself, self! I’m the kind of person who doesn’t talk about big plans to other people just because I don’t want them to expect something from me and just be disappointed afterward. And knowing me, I disappointing myself quite often. But hey, since I let the world (my team, actually) know that I need to improve on something, I need to work even harder to prove something to them. I am their baby and they will be watching out for me, I am 80% sure of that. Ugh! I actually need to work towards my “resolution”.
So, where are we?
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